Youthful men treated youthful women very well in yesteryears

Youthful men treated youthful women very well in yesteryears:

On Dec 20th, 2025, I was at an uncle’s event, essentially a social gathering. After the usual activities including being well received, fed and introductions of families and friends, it was decided that a group would go into a special seating to discuss the agendas of the day while others would sit chatting, waiting and catching up and even feeding for those still keen to eat.

I happened to be in the waiting & chatting group and was happy to meet, for the very first time, a distant auntie. I had heard her name mentioned in the past and knew only one of her sons, so I was happy to eventually met her. The elderly lady was very talkative and very interested in people and kept I, a cousin and a distant cousin engaged in a conversation. Like most senior citizens tend to do, she was reminiscent of her youthful days.

“Young men in our youthful days were very kind. During those days, young people were not restricted from interacting and we used to attend dances together and we would dance throughout the night. The girls who got tired would be safely escorted by young men right to their homes. And unless a man and a woman were interested in each other or were in love, nothing physical would happen seeing that men of those days were very disciplined and respected women,” the lady told us as we keenly listened.

“If a woman was interested in a man, they would arrange with the man to attend the dances and later end up in the man’s house. The woman would tell (or rather cheat) her mom that she would spend the night after the dance at her girlfriend’s home but would end up with her chosen man,” she added.

“During our heydays, there were no fights over women or due to drunkardness and people were gentle and organized. If men realized that a couple were in love, they would respect that and give such a couple peace,” she continued.

According to her, if a girl eventually ‘disappeared’ from home, her girlfriends and other friends would eventually reveal the secrets and her parents would know where to find her settled and married and then dowry negotiations would follow.

She said that most fathers would not force their daughters to marry men they (the daughters) didn’t love.

“If you choose a leopard, you will be devoured alone,” she fondly recalls her father telling her and her sisters. Her apparently quite liberal father allowed each of her sisters to marry and settle with the love of their hearts.

Like is normal in life, nevertheless, jealousy and bitterness and competition for love was experienced but in sober ways.

She recalled, for instance, that when she choose the love of her life, other young men, who had been interested in her, said that her man (who was of a different faith from what was the common faith in her area) alleged that her man had given her love concoctions! to win her.

Meanwhile, the Dec 20th event was progressing and when eventually dusk and a cold breeze caught up with us, the auntie was welcomed to enter the main house. “Why did you decide to sit outside in the cold?” one of her minders asked.

“I wanted to sit with my sons and have a conservation and teach them some lessons,” she explained as she was supported to move to the warmth of the house.

And as night creeped in, the main activity of the day apparently started with people, mostly men, arming themselves with cups & glasses motivated by a ‘mutungi’ (container) set in their midst.

Other lessons learnt:

-great love for traditional, especially ‘Muratina’, beverages is rife and especially seeing it is the main man’s beverage in cultural events,

-the first drink of the beverage must be served in well prepared and maintained cows ‘horns’

-the beverage, in such an event, comes in two separate containers both delivered and received in a ceremonial way into the main host’s house after which one container is given to the host’s family and kin and people /friends and the other left in the main house for enjoyment by the visitors..

-the container given to the host’s family and friends is taken outside the house with people apparently preferring to enjoy its content outside in the natural setting…

-sons of the immediate family visiting the hosts can not serve from the container outside and have to be served by others – – – “otherwise how can they serve what they have just presented? Shouldn’t they be served by others?”.. That (the serving) does not seem to make sense culturally..

-the main emissaries hosted inside the main house should not leave their beverage container unattended or unguarded, rather someone in that group must keep watch over that container, otherwise a penalty may be charged…